Don't Mess with Mother Russia

Author’s summary: America is over at Russia’s house discussing –insert discussion topic here- and Russia gets ticked off at America’s typical careless behavior. Warning: the birches are coming!


America wandered quickly through the halls of Russia’s large house “Darn it,” he thought out loud. “I can’t believe I forgot to ask Russia where the bathroom was.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “How am I supposed to find it? This place is freaking huge!”

Just then a door opened and Lithuania stepped into the hallway. “Oh, hi America are you looking for something?

“Yeah, actually…”he said leaning on a display podium. “Where exactly is the bathroom in this place?”

“It’s down the hallway, first door on the right.” He said pointing down the hallway.

“Thanks man!” America turned and sped in the direction Lithuania was pointing. Unfortunately he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings and knocked over the very podium he’d been leaning against, smashing the vase that had been resting there in the process.

“Oh crap, sorry man could you take care of that? I gotta go…” he said jutting his thumb towards the bathroom.

“Sure America, go ahead.” The Baltic said leaning down to pick up the pieces.

“Thanks. Oh and, don’t tell Russia that I broke his vase please.” He added before hurrying off to the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time skip brought to you by the awesome Prussia~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Lithuania was sweeping up the last of the vase Russia walked down the hallway looking for America.

“Oh Lithuania, do you know where America is?” he said approaching the smaller country. Then he noticed the few remaining pieces of the vase on the floor. “What happened to my vase?”

Lithuania sweat-dropped. He didn’t want to rat out America but he really didn’t want to lie to Russia and get himself in trouble.

Russia stepped forward, backing Lithuania against the wall when he didn’t answer right away. “Toris, if you don’t tell me then I have to assume it was you, da?” He said with his usual creepy smile on his face.

He couldn’t do it, not when he used his real name like that. “America accidently knocked it over and asked me to take care of it for him so he could use the restroom and he wanted me to cover for him which is why I didn’t answer you immediately the first time.” Toris was out of breath now.

Russia backed up seemingly unfazed still sporting his creepy, sweet smile. “Thank you Lithuania, I assume this said American is still in the bathroom da?

Toris nodded. ”Yeah, I think so.”

“Okay, when you see him tell him I’m waiting for him. I will take care of him myself, sorry he’s made you so worried.” He said before walking towards his office.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time skip from pasta~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

America entered Russia’s office completely oblivious to what a deep hole he was in. “Hey Russia dude, Lithuania said you wanted to see me. S’up?” he said sit down in the chair across from the large country at his desk.

“Da, that is correct.” He said. “You see I don’t appreciate how you’ve treated my home or my Baltics.”

“Huh?” America questioned, tilting his head in confusion.

Russia leaned forward propping his elbows on his desk. “Let me explain. When you break one of my possessions you don’t ask one of my Baltics to clean up your mess and certainly do not ask them to hide things from me.”

Now he understood what Russia was talking about and he was getting pretty anxious. Why was Russia telling him this? And where was he going with this conversation?

“Sorry, um…I guess I’ll be leaving now.” He said standing up and turning to leave.

“Not quite yet.” Russia said standing.

“Wha- ack!” America yelped as he felt the larger country grab his arm and spin him around. He soon found himself over Russia’s knees and staring at the floor. He tried to get up but Russia’s hold was like iron.

“W-what do you think you’re doin- hey!” America jerked his head around as Russia quickly drew his pants down to his knees.

“Alfred you really made me upset so now you have to be punished da?” he said rummaging through a drawer. “Ah, here we are.”

America’s eyes were fixed on what Russia now held in his hand. He’d been punished like this many times as a young colony but his heart started beating a million miles per second at the sight of that thick bundle of birches. He looked up at the powerful country with a lose of words.

“Well then,” he said shifting himself under the now horrified country. “Lets begin da?” he raised the bundle and brought it swiftly down on the boxer-clad arse in front of him.

*THWACK!* “Ahh!” America cried out as the implement made contact with his rear.

*THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!*

The chaistment had just started and America was already kicking and bucking, trying to get away.

“Ah!” *TWACK!* “Ouch!” *THWACK!* “Ow!” *THWACK!* “Stop!” *THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!*

Russia left no area uncovered as he continued to beat the sobbing American’s backside.

America bucked and kicked to no end every time a blow fell and was now beating against Russia’s leg, yelling at him to stop.

Russia set down his birches momentarily and grabbed America’s hair forcing him to look up at him. “Alfred you are in no position to give me orders.”

All America could think about was trying to get away so he jerked free of the grip on his hair and went back to kicking and squirming like his life depended on it.

Russia shook his head and grabbed up the bundle again and delivered three harsh blows to his upper thighs causing the struggling country to scream out at the sudden pain.

He set down the implement once again and grabbed on to America’s red boxers pulling them down to his knees before picking up the birches again.

Once America felt his boxers being removed he finally lost it and began to wail pathetically before the Russian man could even land a blow on the now bared and burning skin.

*THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!*

America wailed even louder as the blows began landing on the exposed flesh; turning his previously dark pink skin red.

His reaction satisfied the Russian and he finished the chaistment by landing ten last, harsh blows across the sit spots.

*THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!THWACK!*

“WHAAH!” America cried out as the final blows landing and went limb over Russia’s lap, sobbing like and infant.

Russia watched as the tears streamed down his allie’s face and after a minute fixed his clothing and brought him up in a warm hug.

America flinched slightly as strong arms lifted him up, but quickly settled into the embrace forgetting that this was the man who’d just beat his arse bright red, and cried into his broad chest.

Russia smiled and held him rubbing his back comfortingly. After calming down he spoke up.

“I’ll a-apologize to L-Lithuania and pay f-for the vase.” He said with shaky breaths. He pulled out of the embrace and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

“Go ahead and apologize but don’t worry about the vase, I think you’ve already paid for it.” He said setting a hand on the sniffling country’s head, ruffling his hair. “Don’t you?”

America smiled slightly and fixed his hair. “Ok.”